Wear It Close To Your Heart
by seriousish
Summary: Why Cara uses two Agiels. CaraxTrianna, RichardxKahlan


Kahlan's dagger passed through the bandit's throat smoothly, snagging on a vein and severing it in a flash of blood. The strength went out of the man's limbs, confusing the man until he realized he was dying. He gave Kahlan a hurt look even as the sword fell from his hand, then he breathed blood and sagged until he was nearly lost in the tall grass.

She turned to see Cara, standing spread-eagle, an arm extended into two bandits, an Agiel in either's chest. They were thrashing wildly, foaming at the mouths, until finally they dropped after three eternal seconds.

"No tolerance for pain," Care sighed, holstering her Agiels. "Not a good quality in a raider."

Kahlan stared at Cara. Just seeing the red of her Mord'Sith leader made her muscles tense like there was a horseman bearing down on her. Usually she could suppress it. Sometimes she couldn't. "Those men died agonizing deaths!"

Cara looked down at one. Nudged him with her toe. "I'm sorry."

Kahlan turned away, shaking her head dismissively. She caught the men's eyes. Richard was wiping off his sword and Zedd was burning the bodies. She went to Zedd, ignoring the smell.

"I know we swore to serve the Seeker, but isn't there a prophecy that says we have to slip a scorpion into a Mord'Sith's sleeping bag? For the greater good?"

"Unfortunately not. I've checked," Zedd whispered back.

Cara trudged over, hoisting a body on her shoulder to add to the pyre. "You can get the one bleeding all over the grass. I'd hate for his body to be desecrated by a Mord'Sith's touch."

"I'll get it," Richard said, walking by. "Cara?"

She dutifully trotted after him. Kahlan waved goodbye.

"He's going to lecture us on how we all need to get along and focus on the Keeper, isn't he?" Kahlan asked.

Zedd gestured to keep the fire from spreading. "I'll tell him I already had a word with you." Zedd looked around conspiringly. "Equidistant. There. We've had a word."

Kahlan smiled. "You always cheer me up. But then I look at her. I thought I would spend my life protecting Richard from people like her. Have you noticed she uses two Agiels now? As if one wasn't enough."

Cara returned to drop her other victim into the fire. "For the foreseeable future, we'll be cleaning up a fallen dictatorship, fighting a dark god, and whatever other errands the Lord Rahl finds worthy of our time." She kicked the bandit's arm the rest of the way into the fire. "If I could, I'd carry a dozen Agiels. And Mother Confessor," she smiled 'respectfully,' "you carry two daggers. I suppose I've come to look upon you as a role model."

Richard threw Kahlan's enemy onto the fire, sending up a storm of sparks. "Can none of us get along for five minutes? We have a real enemy to focus on. The Keeper. You'd think that'd be enough for you."

Zedd patted Kahlan's shoulder. "I'll have a talk with her, Richard. But now, let us return to the village. There's no reason to forage for berries when a feast is being held in our honor."

Richard nodded to him, mounted his horse. "I like berries," he muttered as they set off.

* * *

At the bouquet, Cara ate a leg of mutton, reveling in the looks of fear she gathered. The conversations that hushed when she came near were the best she'd had in a while. She took her leave early, letting the festivities properly begin, and sat in her room waiting for sleep to come. Tapping her second Agiel against her thigh.

There was a knock at the door. Cara drew both Agiels and stood beside it. "Come in."

It was Richard. He bore a wineskin and a basket of rolls. "I noticed you didn't eat much. Thought it might be the company."

Cara picked up a roll. Tapped it against the wall. Clink. "More likely the cooking. These people's… misunderstanding does not matter to me. Nor does your charity. I'm sure Kahlan would better appreciate your company."

Richard closed the door. Sat down. It was a small room. Three feet separated them when Cara sat across from him. "Have you heard of the Con Dar?"

"The prior Lord Rahl informed us of his enemies' strengths."

Richard raised his hand like he was going to say something, then lowered it. "Kahlan knows that her power makes her dangerous. When she sees you, it's like—"

"It's not entirely personal." Cara nodded. "Just mostly. I understand."

Richard stood, shoulders sagging like when he came back from a hunt without any meat. "Is there anything else I can get you?"

"Directions to the kitchen, where I'll bring myself if I do need anything."

"Down the stairs, end of the hall. It's the room that smells a lot like soap."

His footsteps creaked the floorboards.

"Lord Rahl," she said when he was opening the door. He closed it again. "No one disputes that you are a good man. But your compassion is wasted on me. It doesn't mean anything and by your standards, I don't deserve it, anymore than those bandits did. Your friends are right. I'm a monster." She slid her Agiels back into their holsters, one at a time. "I don't mind… I'm very good at it."

Richard turned around. "My compassion means something to me. It means I'm doing something more than butchering anyone who offends me. And everyone deserves compassion."

Cara put her hand around the tip of the holstered Agiel, where the magic was strongest. The pain shot up her arm. "Will that be all, Lord Rahl?"

Richard ignored the cut. "You don't have to be a monster if you don't want to be."

"It has its benefits," Cara said to the shutting door.

* * *

Cara dreamed of Agiels that night. Moving over her, their magic so potent, then touching her, the pain excruciating in her lips, between her legs, "You are of course going to scream," Trianna had said, and Cara had just muttered "Harder."

* * *

Cara liked scouting. She didn't have to put up with the others' grudging attempts at small talk, and she didn't have to listen to the resentful silence they nursed when it failed. It was worse when Richard tried to strike up a conversation. She felt like she was being trained again, and punished for succeeding in her last course.

After a long day of riding, they reunited to make camp. Kahlan offered soundly ignored pleasantries; Richard had obviously been talking to her. Then the fires were lit, the bedrolls were open, and Zedd made soup before going off to consult the stars. Richard and Kahlan fell asleep facing each other, as per usual. Cara took first watch. Five hours in, she heard Richard getting up.

"I think this is the part where you get some rest," he said as he approached her, interspersed with a yawn.

"You need more sleep than I do."

He sat down beside her. "Is that a fact?"

"A philosophy as well."

It was dark—a fire would've sapped their nightvision and possibly attracted attention—and with a crescent moon, the light was thin and weak, barely scraping the liens of Richard's face.

"You look like him," Cara said.

"Darken Rahl." Richard crossed his arms, fingers tight on his sleeves. "I could've been like him. Worse. Once, he was this unimaginable evil. Now, he's all too…" He glanced at her. "Close." He stopped, wincing, and shook his head. "Not you! I mean… Kahlan and Zedd don't trust you. That makes sense. But it doesn't make it right. Everywhere I go, it's like the spirits are telling me I can't afford to be a good man, choosing between two evils. With you, I can hate you or I can be your friend. That's no choice at all."

Cara looked away. Men could justify anything. Richard seemed to let goodness motivate him rather than cloak himself in it after he'd done what he wanted. It made him hard to predict, which made him hard to protect.

"Your sentimentality won't save you from the Keeper. But… you are the only man in four centuries who a Mord'Sith has been unable to break. So perhaps it's not entirely a weakness."

Richard patted her on the back. "Blame Kahlan. She's the one who kept me going."

"She hurts you," Cara interrupted, freezing him with his hand hovering at her back. "When you see her, you know you can't be with her. But being apart from her hurts more. It's a very cunning torture, love." She said it all evenly, as if it bored her, until the final word. Her voice cracked there. She realized it was the first time she'd said it.

Richard looked her in the eye. He was as attuned to pain as she was. Maybe that's what truth was, in the end. "You must have cared for Trianna a great deal."

"It doesn't matter now…" Cara realized he wouldn't let it go. He would wait and bring it up again, when he deemed she was ready. He would break her by degrees. She took out her second Agiel. "This is hers. Every Agiel is unique. They're enchanted by our blood, then used to train us so we know their every quirk."

"So then how can you wield it?"

"Trianna used it on me. Testing me. I trusted her with that. I shouldn't have. Now I keep it as a reminder not to trust anyone. Not even yourself."

Richard was quiet, letting the clouds float over the moon and the shadows play over his face. When the moonlight hit him again, he was holding up the tooth he wore around his neck. "My father gave me this. I wear it because it reminds me of him and the things we shared before he died."

"You have feelings. Monsters don't." She got up to return to her bedroll. She suddenly felt weary.

* * *

"I thought you were smarter," Cara had said to Trianna.

Trianna had said nothing.

"We could've had it all. Together. Between the two of us, every Mord'Sith in the land would bow to us. Our sisterhood could've taken its proper place in the new order. But you had to follow Rahl to the grave. Did he offer you more than I could? Did he offer you a heart?"

Trianna had said nothing. A had fly crawled over her unblinking eye.

Cara had kneaded Trianna's Agiel in her hands. "All you had to do was trust me."

She had touched the candle to Trianna's body and squeezed the Mord'Sith's Agiel as she burned. That was the only pain she had felt.


End file.
